


Lionheart

by ComposerEgg



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 11:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17140814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/pseuds/ComposerEgg
Summary: “Oh.” And then. “Well, I wanna be a guard!”“That’s a big decision. What makes you so sure?” Joshua asks, standing and stretching out. He’s so tall.Neku sits down, weaving the flowers together like his mom taught him. “I wanna protect my momma and my dad, and the people in my village! I wanna make sure everyone has good lives! If the guards can let people be peaceful, I wanna do that!”“Even if it’s at the cost of peace for yourself?”----Neku Sakuraba, age eight, wanders across a god while visiting a shrine.Neku Sakuraba, age 20, officially starts the training course to become a guard.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yozakuun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yozakuun/gifts).



> MERRY XMAS TO MY GOOD PAL YOZ :D :D 
> 
> You requested for secret santa "anything with Neku" and well, what a good chance to do this! An RP of ours I felt would be fitting to become an actual fic on my ao3

The first time Neku Sakuraba meets a god, it’s spring, he is eight years old, and he’s ditched his parents in favor of exploring.

There’s so much fun stuff to do! There’s a forest he can run around in, with lots of plants and birds and animals! There’s a fun person too! They’re glowy! They’re sitting on a rock, in a beam of sunlight warming the clearing, flowers growing nearby and a stream trickling away. 

Neku approaches the sparkly person who catches his eye, and jumps on them!

They let him sit on their lap!

“Well, hello there,” they say, and Neku gets a closer look. The person looks more boyish, Neku decides, though it’s hard to tell. They’re paler than Neku, and their hair is  _ white _ ! The eyes glow a pretty purple!

“Hi! Are you a boy?” he asks, words tumbling out of his mouth.

They laugh. “Sometimes. For the sake of simplicity, you can think of me as a boy if you like.”

“Cool! My parents thought I was a girl at first, but I’m a boy too! My name is Neku, what’s yours?” He stares up at the stranger’s face, admiring the smooth skin. He reaches up and runs his fingers over it, before remembering his parents telling him things like that are rude, and retracts his hand with a small, “Sorry!”

“I’m Yoshiya,” he says with a smile. “And really, there’s no need to apologize.”

“Yosh-- Yoshi… Josh… Joshua?” he tries, and Joshua laughs as he gets it wrong. “Hey! Don’t be mean!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says. “I thought it was cute. You can call me Joshua, if you want.”

That sates Neku, though he still bristles at being called  _ cute _ . “Okay.”

“What are you doing all alone out here, Neku?”

“My parents are here to give their thanks to the god that protects us! Which is good! But I got  _ bored _ , because it’s all prayer and sitting around.” He flops onto his back, staring up at the leaves. “I wanna thank the god, I really do! But we don’t even know if he’s here! What if he’s off doing things and can’t hear us? I hope I haven’t made him mad.”

Joshua chuckles, and Neku pouts! Why is he laughing? 

He calms down when Joshua runs his fingers through Neku’s hair, though, and leans into the touch. “I’m sure the god will understand. What sort of benevolent figure would get annoyed with a kid who needs more to do?”

Neku frowns. “Ben.. ev-olent? What’s that?”

“It means nice,” Joshua says, glowing eyes glancing down at him again. “Someone who wants to help others and do good. Of course, that view also depends on if you’re one of the people the god protects or an intruder trying to hurt others.”

“Oh! I’m glad our god is benevolent!” 

“Mm,” Joshua hums. “I’m sure he’s always happy to help protect his people. The intruders don’t see him as benevolent, because he and his guards fight them a lot, but it’s worth it to keep everyone living here safe.”

Neku nods, and hops off Joshua’s lap, sitting in the field of flowers now. “He’s my god though, so he’ll keep me safe, right?”

“Of course! I’m sure he’ll take good care of you! And his guards, too.”

“Why does he have so many guards? He’s a god, right? Can’t he protect everyone himself?” Neku asks, focused on the flowers he’s picking. He wants this to look nice!

“He could, but if he leaves the shrine to go fight, everyone here is defenseless. Guards can patrol the borders, run messages, take care of people while he’s gone, and be another set of eyes, of hands during a fight.” There’s a smile in his voice,  _ pride _ . Maybe he’s a guard? “On a battlefield, it’s chaos, and you want people to protect your back, even if you’re strong. People accomplish more together, and keep the peace better.”

“Oh.” And then. “Well, I wanna be a guard!”

“That’s a big decision. What makes you so sure?” Joshua asks, standing and stretching out. He’s so  _ tall _ .

Neku sits down, weaving the flowers together like his mom taught him. “I wanna protect my momma and my dad, and the people in my village! I wanna make sure everyone has good lives! If the guards can let people be peaceful, I wanna do that!”

“Even if it’s at the cost of peace for yourself?” 

There’s a weight in Josh’s tone that makes Neku look up. Weighed down by age and experience, a sword against his back. It makes him think, lips pursed as he looks back down at the half-finished flower crown. 

“Definitely,” he says, after a second. “If I can keep people safe, it’s definitely worth it!”

“That’s a good attitude to have. I think you’d make a wonderful guard.” Joshua kneels beside him, smiling as he ruffles Neku’s hair. “With this lion’s mane you have, I’d say you’ve got the spirit already.”

Neku’s eyes widen, hands clapping together. “A lion?”

“Of course, with this fiery, untamed hair, what else could you be?” 

“I dunno! A lion sounds cool!” He takes the flower crown, now finished, and plops it on Joshua’s head. “There! Now you have a crown!”

Laughter rings out, and Joshua kisses his forehead with a peck. It’s safe, he’s safe.

“Thank you, dear. Would you mind if I repaid you with food?” 

Neku nods, hurting his neck with the vigor. “Food would be good! I haven’t had lunch yet… Do you think my mum and dad can eat too?”

“I see no reason why not. The more important question is: do you want a lift there? I can carry you on my shoulders, if you like.”

He gasps, and scurries to stand. Joshua picks him up and places him on his shoulders, and off they go! 

Neku’s so  _ tall _ up here! He loves it! But the trees are even taller… The air is full of  _ life _ , everything is  _ more  _ here, and it tingles at his nerves, making him giggle.

“This forest is old. Very old,” Joshua says, brushing his hand against a tree as he walks past. “I’ve watched most of these trees grow, but a few of them saw my birth, and will see my death.”

“You’re not  _ that _ old,” Neku pouts. “You look young! Younger than my grandma, and she’s the oldest person I know! She’s like, a hundred years old.”

“Oh, that’s tough. She might have me beat, but I’m older than I look.”

Neku hums, getting distracted as they come closer to the buildings again. There’s shiny things! Pretty paintings and carvings and statues! He doesn’t pay attention when Joshua tells one of the other guards something, staring at the artwork of a fox behind the man.

The walk takes him through the various gates his parents have talked about, circles leading deeper into the shrine. Walls separate the areas, and the further in they go, the more ornate the decor becomes.

Until finally, they arrive in the center. Joshua walks into the building with an air of familiar casualty. 

“It’s so pretty here! Fancy! How come you get to come in here? Isn’t it closed off?” he asks, holding onto Joshua’s hair. 

Josh laughs. “Well, Neku. What’s the name of the god that lives here?”

“Kiryu? His name is Kiryu, right? Why is that important?” 

“Because, my name is Yoshiya Kiryu. This is my home,” Joshua says, as he sets Neku down,by the table where an array of food is spread out. “And you’re welcome to eat as much as you like.”

Neku stops and stares up at him, in awe. His new friend is the  _ god _ ? He’s met the god! Oh no, he heard him  _ talk _ about him and worry! But he was reassuring, so that means it was all true!

“You’re super cool!!!!!!” He bounces on his toes, grinning. “Thank you so much!!!! Can my momma and papa join us to eat?”

“Of course, of course. They’re welcome. My guards know to direct your parents here. Take a seat, I’m sure they’ll be here shortly,” Joshua says, sitting down and motioning to the space by him. 

The space by the  _ god _ ! 

Neku sits, and looks at the platters of food, eyes bigger than his stomach as he grabs bread rolls and fruits and pastries. This is all so cool! 

“Dig in.” Joshua has taken food as well, and is eating, Neku notices, with a much more refined dignity. Should he be eating like that? Is shoving an entire roll in his mouth not polite?

“Don’t worry about anything, Neku, no judgement here. You can do as you like,” he says between bites, and Neku drops his food.

“Can you read my  _ mind _ ?” 

A laugh. “Not quite, but the concern was written all over your face. Really, there’s no need to worry.”

He nods, and eats again. It’s all so  _ good _ and  _ tasty! _ They never have food this good back in his village. 

After that though, the door opens, and his parents are there. Not for long, as his mom runs over to him and scoops him into a hug. “Don't you  _ ever _ do that again, Neku! You had us worried sick!”

“But  _ mooom _ , I made a new friend!” he motions to Josh, and his parents give a startled yelp as they notice him, instantly falling to their knees to kneel.

“I am  _ so sorry _ for my son’s behavior,” his dad says, and Neku pouts more. “He just ran off. I hope he hasn’t imposed on you, my lord.”

“No no, none of that, you don’t have to bow. And no need to apologize either, he’s been delightful to have around,” Joshua smiles, and Neku smiles too! Someone has his side!

Reluctantly, his parents stand again, confounded. “Still, if there’s anything we must do to repay you, just name the price,” his mom says, eyes still averted.

“There is no such thing. In fact, come, sit! We were starting to eat, and you are more than welcome to join. My chefs always know how much to cook for the day, so there’ll be enough for you to take home as well.”

“Yeah! He’s super nice! The food is good!” Neku says, pulling his mom down to sit by him. 

They do, and Neku claps. Watching what his parents take, he mimics them, mostly, not sure if there’s anything he should avoid.

But while his parents are apologizing, and Joshua is telling them not to worry, which is annoying that he has to do it so much--why can’t they believe him, he’s a  _ god _ , of course he’s telling the truth!--he gets thirsty, and reaches out for the nearest cup.

It’s  _ heavenly _ . Warmth spreads through his body at the divine taste, the cold heat that relaxes his body and cures him of the worries plaguing the back of his mind, the aches and pains that have never left his body.

And then the cup is snatched out of his hand.

“Be careful, Neku. One sip isn’t going to hurt you, but that’s ambrosia, the drink of the gods,” Joshua says, setting the cup down on the other side of the table, far out of reach. “If you have too much, it’ll hurt you.” 

“Sorry….” he says, looking down at his lap and fidgeting with his hands. This’ll just be one more thing his parents yell at him about when they get home, and he’s not looking forward to that at  _ all _ . 

“I apologize!” His mom looks to be restaining herself from standing up again and bowing.

“No harm done, so don’t worry. If he were hurt, I would’ve been able to cure him, so it’s no big deal.”

“Still, he shouldn’t have! Neku, you know better than to do this,” she wags a finger at him.

“But mom, he said it was fine! I’m fine! You don’t have to be mad!” Why did they always protest? Why couldn’t they let him do what he wanted to do? Joshua got that! Even if he made a mistake, as long as it was fixable, it was okay! 

“Please, there’s no need to argue. Neku did nothing wrong, so resume eating. A drop won’t hurt.” 

They do, but the mood has soured. Neku pouts into his food, as much as one can pout while eating the best food they’ve ever had. It takes a great amount of effort to keep it up, but he can do it.

Joshua leans in and ruffles his hair again, and his facade breaks. Neku smiles, and leans against him.

Joshua is  _ warm _ . Maybe it’s because he glows a little, but he’s warm and comfy and the hot food in his belly does nothing to keep him from wanting to drift off right there. Fingers stroke his hair, and so he lets himself close his eyes. But he doesn’t sleep, not yet.

“Let me wake him up, it wouldn’t do to have him fall asleep on you,” he hears his mother say, but he can’t bother to respond for himself.

“If he were doing something I did not want, I would take care of the issue myself. There is no need to fret.” Joshua’s voice is soft, quieter, but the vibrations running through his chest, the steady breath, it all comforts Neku. He’s had a long day of adventuring.

They talk some more, about adult things, and Neku doesn’t bother to listen. As long as they don’t talk about him, or try to get him in trouble again. 

And then he’s being roused awake by Josh, and he blinks up at him, eyes bleary. “Whatisit?”

“You’re parents have packed up their food, and it’s time for you to go, unfortunately.”

Neku sits up, stretching out. “Aww. WIll I get to see you again? I don’t have any other friends.”

Joshua smiles, and takes a pretty silver ring off of his finger, handing it to Neku. There’s a purple gemstone on the top, shaped like a feather and set into the ring. Neku happily places it on his ring finger. “It’s pretty… Thank you!”

“If you show that to the guards here, they’ll know to take you to me, dear,” he says, and places another kiss, this time to the top of his head.

“Alrighty! I’ll make sure I show them next time we visit!” Neku ignores the looks his parents make at Joshua’s gesture, waving goodbye as his mom drags him away.

* * *

 

Joshua smiles as he watches Neku leave.

Once the family is out of sight, he turns to the guard, standing silently in the corner, always alert. “Make sure everyone knows that the bright orange-haired boy with my insignia is allowed to pass through, when you distribute the news.”

“Of course, Yoshiya,” he nods his head.

“And make sure that everyone is prepared for tomorrow, when we leave for the border. I need to go and meditate some more, to prepare myself, but I want everyone in the best shape possible.”

He stands, stretching as he walks out, heading back for his rock.

A broken treaty, an invasion planned, he has to make sure his people can deal with it, so that none of the common folk have to hear of border skirmishes and dangers. It wouldn’t do to disrupt his image, the power of peace keeps many attempts at bay, not wanting to risk stepping foot in his land. But it doesn’t deter all.

Today had been a reprieve from the oncoming storm, but tomorrow… A battle would be fought, and a victor would be found.

Neku Sakuraba, one more reason why he had to fight these battles. He had so many people to keep safe, and added to that list was his smiling face.

The boy should come back. Maybe in six months, or a year, but families make the journey often, to pay respects. 

Yoshiya also needs to add a new name to his ever-growing list of names. Joshua. 

It felt right, it settled under his skin. Neku had named him, marked a  _ change _ in him. However long it took for Neku to return, Joshua would not forget.

 

(Neku doesn’t return. Years pass. The Sakurabas come back, but their son is left at home.)

(Neku doesn’t return, not through any traditional means for visitors. But he comes back, in time. Of course he does. He wanted to be a guard, after all.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, drop me a kudos and comment below!
> 
> [For statements about transformative works based on mine and concrit, along with where to find me, check out my profile page linked here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/profile)  
> (summary: I love everything people do based of my works and wanna know!)
> 
> [For info about my twewy discord server (including rules accessible outside the server itself) check out this link!](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/twewy-discord)


	2. Chapter 2

The second time Neku sees a god, he is twenty, and it is summer, and he does not get to talk.

Twelve years. Twelve years of determination unwavering.

Last year, the sign-ups had visited his village, and he’d said goodbye to his friends, his family. Not that he had many friends to say goodbye to, but Shiki deserved a farewell. She wished him luck, and sent him on his way.

(That wouldn’t help the rumors, but they stopped giving a shit about what the people thought years ago. Shiki knew better than anyone that he was committed to his goal of becoming a guard, and he was sure she’d find a nice lady to marry herself. Just because he wore a ring didn’t mean he was betrothed to someone).

Prelims had been exhausting, grueling, but he’d passed with flying colors, and trained in the six months between those and the start of formal guard training, to become even _better_.

He’s earned his place to stand among this crowd, to hear the hush fall over everyone as a figure, draped in ethereal white light and piercing streaks of violet eyes, barely humanoid with the plasma wisps around him, takes the stage.

Everyone moves to bow, himself included, but the figure waves them off, _tells their mind_ to make them to stand.

Joshua’s--Yoshiya’s voice rings out, bolstered by magic no doubt. “I stand here today to welcome you all. You are here to train, to become one of my esteemed guards. Some of you have done this before, but most faces I see are new. Your chances are slim, either way. You have made it this far, but only one of you will be chosen.”

Neku nods, watches as the hint of a smile shows through the shimmering glow. “I do not judge on skill alone. I can see your heart’s desire, I know your goals. Many of you have already failed.”

The mist around his body starts to fade. His voice loses a bit of boom, still heard over the silence of the room. “Not to worry, though, if you graduate and I don’t pick you, there’s always a chance to try again. If you find your odds unappealing, many people like to hire my _rejects_.”

When all that remains is the glow of his eyes, he speaks one last time. "This is not solely competition either, and you would all do well to remember. I entrust my safety to those around me, teamwork and cooperation make up the backbone of the guard. We work as one unit, and you will need to learn to fit into the unit like all the others."

He takes a step back and turns to leave, but pauses. "I will be watching your progress, and one slip could prove fatal."

Neku listens, watches it all, and nods to himself. Determination swells within, building a fire in his veins, eyes hard as he thinks on all that must be done. He _would_ pass, and he _will_ be picked. Any other result is not worth considering.

As Josh--Yoshiya, leaves the room, Neku’s eyes trail after him. _Does he even remember me_? A foolish hope. Why would a god remember a little energetic kid?

He’d made a fool of himself back then, but this time would be different. He had to _win_.

* * *

 

Yoshiya lets the new kids have some time to adjust to their new schedule. Training, education, it’s hard work, meant to tire them out, wear them down to the bone. Only the best can survive, only the best can become his.

But after the first three weeks, the duels begin, and Yoshiya just _has_ to sit in.

The trainees can all exit from the training rooms into the gym, but he got to design this building himself. To leave, they must walk through an observation room first, with one-way windows, where he can watch their progress. Watch the battles take place.

One or two people will often stand apart from the crowd. People who _know_ , instinctively, what to do. How to fight. People who have dedicated their hearts to this life. Determination etched into their face.

He keeps his eye on those.

This year, one person stands out. Heart pure as gold, determination overflowing as he takes down opponent after opponent.

Number 17, out of forty people here to fight. He’s the one Joshua needs to keep an eye on. Watch the progression.

His tactic is to dash forward, duel-wielding his swords. Most are taken aback by his brazen forwardness. He sweeps their legs out from under them, and knocks them to the ground, pointing a sword at their neck.

But once the match is called, the boy walks off, turning his back on the other trainee.

 _No respect_ , Joshua notes.

His matches continue much the same way, leading into the five-way battle royale.

Two of the others turn to attack him first, and he dashes out of the way. They clash into each other. The other two go after each other, and number 17 takes out the victor.

After a small break, 17 gets to try to fight a guard, and this is where the real fun is. Nobody, no newbie, could ever hope to beat a guard. Some are cocky, too full of themselves, and find a place landing on their back with a sword at their throat.

Others are cowardly, and lose far too soon.

17 might be one of the few who understand their limits, or become one of the cocky brats who need to be taught that they are nowhere near the skill they think they are. But he’s certainly not a coward.

Instead of charging in headfirst, like had with all the others, 17 hangs back, waits to see if the guard will make the first move. Clever little boy, testing the waters. A quick barrage, on the attack, easily blocked by the guard, starts the rising the tension of the match. A dodge here, a parry there, the boy knew his stuff.

But nobody holds their own, not against a seasoned guard who’s fought on the battlefield with him. It comes to a close when the boy has his legs knocked out from under him.

Unlike the previous matches, number 17 _does_ show respect. Bows his head, shakes his opponent’s hand, and accepts his defeat with elegance.

When the door opens, Yoshiya smiles.

“You know, the previous record for holding out against that guard in the first duel was 20 seconds, you just beat it with 25.”

Two swords come unsheathed, one pointed at his heart and the other held up in defense, before the child--twenty is hardly a child in human years, but to Yoshiya, all were children--realizes just who he’s pointing his sword at, and drops them, falling down to kneel.

“Please forgive me, my lord, I knew not that you were here.”

He laughs, picking up the swords himself. “Stand up, you’re not the first to make that mistake. If one measly trainee could take me down like that, I’d be a very poor god indeed.”

When the boy stands, he holds out the hilts, and lets him sheathe them again.

Bright blue eyes meet his, stare at him. There’s something… Familiar, in the gaze. The weight of a person he should know.

“You’ve got skill, for a beginner, boy. It’s far too early yet, to see if you will take the top spot, but you have potential. Don’t squander your chances.”

He nods, and the eyes scan his face, searching, grasping for _something_. Yoshiya knows not what, until he removes his helmet.

Bright orange locks are revealed, sweat dampening them and sticking them to his face, his neck, but it’s a lion’s mane nonetheless. And the pieces of the puzzle come together.

Gravity loses a little of its force in the room as Joshua _shines_ , the light there brightening with his mood. They both stay on the ground, but there's less tug, and the ability to jump higher, if one wished.

Joshua, for his part, bounces on his feet, taking one hop forward. He places a gentle finger under the other's chin, eyebrows scrunched as he inspects the face. Two seconds pass, before he finds confirmation. A genuine smile blooms on his face, a light breeze ruffling his hair and blowing around the both of them. Clothes draped over him fluttering with the wind.

"It _is_ you, Neku! You were so little when I last saw you, and now look! You've grown so much!" Little eight-year-old Neku, all grown up! The child that _named_ him. “You finally came back!”

The blush that spreads across his face is _adorable_ , and Joshua grins.

Neku doesn’t pull back, or look away though, just nods his head. “Yeah… It’s me. You-- You really remember me?” he asks.

Joshua laughs. “Of course, silly! I remember everyone I meet. You were a wonderful person to have seen. That day in the shrine with you was nice, going exploring, getting a flower crown. You were such a fun little child. I was sad when you never came back.”

“I wanted to, but my parents…”

He nods, and takes a small step back, giving Neku some space. His hand trails down, to rest on Neku’s chest, just over his heart. “They didn’t seem like the type who would approve of their child bothering a god. Am I correct?”

“Yeah. They thought it was _improper_. I couldn’t sneak out, and they didn’t bring me along any other times,” he rolls his eyes as he says that.

“They should learn to trust the word of their god more. I do not sully my word with lies,” Joshua replies. “I didn’t give you one of my _official insignias_ for nothing. I wanted you to return.”

Neku freezes. Indecision flickers across his face as he fiddles with his glove. “It was _official_?”

“It was! Do you still wear it?”

A nod, and he removes the glove, revealing the ring on his left hand, still as bright and shiny as the day he gave it away.

Upon seeing the ring, his smile returns. He moves his hand to hold Neku's, and lifts it to his lips, pressing a kiss against ring. The trace of his essence under the surface, pulsing within, still beats in time with his own heart, still flows free and protects the wearer, proves its status as _his_. For good measure, he lets a few more drops of power trickle into the silver metal.

“I have never removed it, my lord Kiryu.”

The dedication in his heart pounds just as strong as the first time they met. Stronger now, in fact. Every beat carries the weight, the desire to protect. Every pulse of silence between is filled with his hopes and dreams, to do _good_ , to become one of his guards, to help others and let their hearts beat just as loud as they chase their own desires.

“None of that silly _lord_ stuff,” he waves a hand, brushing the formality away. “You may still call me Joshua, or Yoshiya, but drop the formalities. But oh, hmm,” he pauses, stepping back as he rubs his chin. “Maybe stick to Kiryu around the others, unless you can handle weird looks. But when it’s just you and I, Joshua is more than fine.”

“But-- But your _name_ \--” He stares with wide eyes.

“Joshua _is_ a name. A name you _gave_ me, one that settled and is mine now. As the giver, you have the right to call me by it as much as you like.”

Neku looks like he wants to remark on that, but Joshua doesn’t give him the chance. “You’ve gotten so tall now, though! Look at you, all grown up!”

“I-- I mean, it’s been eleven years?”

“I know, I know, but you humans grow so fast.”

“You haven’t changed at all…” Neku says, staring at him again.

+++

_Joshua remembers him._

_Yoshiya Kiryu remembers him._

The thought pounds over and over in his brain as the literal god kisses his ring.

 _He wasn’t forgotten_.

Everyone would’ve assumed so. It’s only natural, after all. A god doesn’t have the time to remember everyone he meets. A god doesn’t have to bother with little mortals like him, eight-year-old kids with more adventure than sense.

 _An official insignia_. The ring is _official_. Joshua gave him something so important on a whim. _Why_.

All these remarks from his god are going to stain his face red, he swears. So when Joshua says he’s grown, the only words he can muster are, “You haven’t changed at all.”

He’s trying desperately not to be overwhelmed, paddling to keep his head above the water as another wave comes crashing down.

“Perks of being a god. If I really wanted to, I could change my appearance, but I’m fine just like this.” He gives Neku a smile, and Neku’s heart skips a beat.

“I think so too…” Oh no. He said that out loud.

Joshua grins. “Glad you approve of my looks, dear.”

Yep. This god is going to be the death of him.

“W-Well, anyone would agree! Not just me!” he says, words fumbled, but at least he didn’t jumble them too bad. It’s a decent save.

“I’m sure people would agree with me when I say the same. You’re certainly Mr. _Tall, Dark, and Handsome_ over here now. Puberty has treated you kindly. You could woo whoever you wished, if you’ve got your eyes on someone.”

He shakes his head, because _nope_. He’s not getting into that. Neku left romance speculation behind in his old village, thank you very much, he’s not bringing that here with him. “Maybe if I wanted, but I don’t.”

“Aw, no love interests to call your own?” Joshua leans against the window, smiling.

“Nope, none.” He has to look away. Looking at a god for too long has to be bad for your health, or something, if everyone’s stomach does backflips like his is right now.

“I suppose that means I have you all to myself, which is just as well. The life of a guard doesn’t leave much room for romance.”

“I--. I’m not a guard yet. I still have to finish training.”

“I have no doubt you can win. You’re my favorite, after all. Show me you can live up to my expectations, and you’ll be a shoe-in.”

Joshua stretches out, and walks by him, towards the door. He pauses in front of Neku, and slips a loose strand of hair behind Neku’s ear. “I’ll be watching you closely, my dear.”

With that, he’s gone, and Neku is left standing alone, afterimages of Yoshiya burned into his eyes and risen heat refusing to die.

* * *

 

The daily schedule is _exhausting_.

Training for half the day, classes for the other. It wears Neku down. He’s lucky he was taught how to read and write, but his knowledge is not advanced, he’s floundering, trying to keep his head above the water in the classes. Remedial help is required for him.

Training, on the other hand?

He excels at it.

He knows how to swing his swords, dual wield and fight. He’s fast, light on his feet, and no matter what the other trainees say, he knows being lightning quick isn’t a coward's move compared to brute strengthening your way through problems at hand.

The retired guard standing before him, one month into training, he gets it.

“Stay light on your feet now, Sakuraba. Come at me again.”

Bouncing off of his toes, he dashes forward, and swipes to the right. His dulled blade is met by a shield, as the guard twists and brings his own sword up to meet Neku’s other.

From there, it’s a contest, and Neku feels the weight shift too late.

His sword flies from his hand as the guard _twists_.

“Fuck.”

The guard, Leonidas, chuckles. “That was a good attempt, but you have to pay attention to your enemy’s positioning. How they stand, what they’re about to do. You’re ahead of the pack based on skill and speed, but you’re only average when it comes to battlefield awareness.”

“Thank you for the tip, sir,” Neku says, bowing.

“Hey now, chin up, none of that.” Leonidas laughs. “You’re doin’ fine, kiddo. Though, you might wanna be careful how you act.”

Neku freezes as a sword rests under his chin, and hops back, readying the one still in his hands. Leonidas just laughs.

“Take a break, kid, we’ve been at this for a while now.” He grabs a jug of water, and downs some, before handing it over to Neku.

Neku nods, and drinks, relishing as the cold water soothes his dehydrated throat. “Thanks.”

“No sweat. A breather is always important, or you’ll stop learning. Tell me though, you’re pushing yourself extra hard today, being more formal than usual. Any reason why?” Leonidas raises an eyebrow.

_“Kiryu might be here today,” one of his fellow trainees, a repeat who failed the last time, whispers to him during breakfast, a grin on his face. “He shows up to watch sometimes, and he was here this day last year.”_

Neku shakes his head. “No reason. I try my best _every_ day.”

Leonidas snorts. “True, you do, but sometimes a little extra motivation walks in, and you have more ability to push your limits.”

He glares, eyes narrowing as a stone molds itself into being in his stomach. “What are you implying?”

Hands raised, Leonidas takes a step back, slouching his posture. “Relax, kiddo. I’m just sayin’, the rumor mill reaches the trainers too. Everyone’s limits expand a little when Kiryu’s said to be around. You more than most.”

Neku frowns, waiting for more elaboration. “Your _point_? That I don’t always push myself as much as I can? That’s a lie. I aim to be the best, so I push myself as hard as possible.”

“No no, I know. You do! But you do better when you think Kiryu is watching. And your _admiration_ for him is pretty obvious,” Leonidas laughs.

“Everyone here admires him. Everyone wants to become a guard.”

“Yeah, but kid, you and he got history. Everyone can tell, and I can tell you it’s more than admiration in your heart driving you to do this. A word of the wise,” he steps closer, voice lowering. “It’s not gonna happen. Nobody has caught his eye, not in the way they might want. It’s simple, really, us mortal humans may fall for gods, but he will never fall back.”

Heat rises to Neku’s, face and he hisses out, “You’re wrong about my intentions, then.”

“Nah, it’s plain as day. The way you look at him makes it obvious. But just know, the few times he’s shown a passing interest in anyone, nothing has ever come of it. He’d never want to be a direct danger to us, and well, what measly human can stand against the might of a god? Don’t let your crush on him crush you when it never gets reciprocated.”

“I _don’t_ have a crush!” Neku stumbles with the words, spitting them out in a harsh whisper. “You’re wrong about that. I want to be a guard to protect people, not for--Not for such a silly reason as _that_! He is my _god_. I would--I’d never be so _foolish_ as to do something--to try and--and fall for him like that. Anyone who does, anyone who tries to be a guard because of some stupid crush is an idiot.”

Leonidas ruffles his hair, towering over him even though Neku isn’t all that short himself, and Neku stumbles back. “Glad to know it. Don’t be an idiot. He may have taken an interest in you, but twelve years is nothing to an immortal being. You’re still that kid he met back at the shrine all those years ago.”

“How--How do you know about that?” Lightning shock zaps his nerves, eyes blown wide. “I haven’t told anyone here about that. I--I don’t…? What?”

“We guards blend into the background pretty well, huh?” A chuckle. “But I’d recognize that _lion’s mane_ anywhere, the little kid who made a flower crown for Kiryu and got some free food.”

“You--You were the guard then.” The realization is a brick that slams into Neku’s head. “You were there. So you _must_ know my motives. It’s not so foolish as some _crush_ , I’ve always wanted to protect others, my friends and family and _him_ , as soon as I learned I could.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo. I’m sure that’s all it is, now that you’ve insisted so harshly that it’s your truth.”

Neku has the sinking feeling that Leonidas doesn’t believe him, but the matter is dropped, and training resumes.

The bruises and pain Neku has by the end of the day are a lesson, just like any other lesson given in the classrooms. It aches, but it’s worth it, because he’s learning. Thriving. Doing better every day.

He’ll be a guard. He _will_. There is no maybe. He cannot fail Joshua.

When the announcement is made that Joshua will be _judging_ the dueling the next day, sitting wide out in the open, and Leonidas whispers to him that they all suspect a traitor in the ranks, that this is _bait_ ,  Neku knows what he has to do.

* * *

 

Joshua is the first into the gym one the day of the duels, sitting cross-legged, dead center in front of the platform, when Neku walks in.

He freezes one step out of the door from the changing rooms.

Joshua is sitting _right there_. Already. All alone, with one single guard off to the side.

At the sound of the door, Joshua perks up and looks over at him, grinning. “Neku! You’re here early!”

Neku nods, taking a seat just behind him. “I--I come here early so I can prepare myself mentally for the battles.” And he wanted to watch every person that walked through that door. He wanted to see them all, and figure out who had ill intent against the god.

“Well, don’t let my presence bother you, I’m just here getting my paperwork ready.”

“Alright, my lo--Joshua.” He has to bite his tongue and swallow his instinct, to refer to him with a title, because every time he has done so, Joshua tells him not to. It would be oh so rude, to go against the god’s wishes, even if it means fighting his instincts.

The smile on Joshua’s face makes it worth it, though.

So he sits, positions himself and focuses. He needs to be ready for anything.

As time ticks by, people filter into the room, and by now Neku has had enough time to learn who is who. Which people were from his prelim training, and which weren’t. Who the repeats were, who is innocent of guilt from the _that_ event in his training.

The start is called, and Neku waits his turn for the matchups. It’s been a few months since the first duel, and Neku has advanced to the final stage every time. He knows this paints a target on his back, but it’s worth it.

He goes third, taking his spot and watching his opponent. When the start is called, he dashes forward, swings his blades. Dodges. Ducks. Swipes. They know his speed tactic by now. But they can’t outmatch him.

A hit to the legs takes his opponent out. A repeat trainee, someone he knows he can respect. So he offers a hand up, and they bow.

He takes his place again, just behind Joshua. Watching everyone. Waiting.

Time ticks by.

As the first round of duels comes to a close, with Neku and the other winners advancing on, the room is starting to heat up. Sweat trickles down Neku’s back.

It’s summertime, and it’s only expected. With this many bodies, this much fighting, that they must endure the heat.

What _isn’t_ expected is seeing Joshua unbutton his shirt, skirt still safely secure, and drop it do the ground at his side. He drapes a loose shawl over himself, but he’s otherwise exposed from the waist up.

A very _different_ kind of heat rises to Neku’s face, and-- It’s not because of a _crush_ or anything. But Joshua is a _god_. Well-toned, the perfect figure of health. Of bodily physique. _Anyone_ would find him attractive, would find themselves averting their eyes so they aren’t distracted.

All the trainees are doing it. Trying not to stare. And it’s clear from the grin on Joshua’s face, one Neku sees as he walks up for his second duel, that he knows what he’s doing, the effect he’s having on everyone.

Neku tries to pivot to his right as the duel commences, so Joshua isn't in his line of sight. The other trainee is doing the same, of course, but Neku is fast.

Neku dashes forward.

Slices. Is blocked. Slides to dodge.

A glance to his side, back at Joshua, nearly costs him the match. The sight is entrancing, and his breath catches in his throat. But a huff as his opponent swings a sword snaps him out of it, and he drops just in time to avoid the hit.

With a quick kick to the chest, Neku gets his opponent on the ground, and points a sword at his neck to signify victory.

This one isn’t from his prelims either. So he gets a modicum of respect.

Neku returns to his seat, grabbing some water and downing it, quenching his parched throat. The duels were short, but they took a lot out of everyone. It was no wonder he was so thirsty.

The matches continue, and Neku watches everyone. Not just the battles. If an attack comes, it won’t be from the stage, where all eyes are on them.

No, it’ll come from the audience.

It’ll come from someone obscured by the crowd.

As the next match commences, Neku’s stomach _lurches_. Terror floods his veins as the mental picture of a knife hitting Joshua springs into his mind unbidden, and pushes him to his feet.

The next thing he knows is pain.

 

Blinding, searing pain. Poison biting his body and burning him up inside. He’s on _fire_.

Nothing exists outside of the pain, outside the acid eating him and tearing through his skin and devouring all thoughts with _pain_.

Neku doesn’t realize he’s screaming until the noise stops and his throat feels raw, shredded by a razorblade.

Joshua is there.

Stroking his hair, bandaging his wound, as the pain is leached away. All he can do is stare up into those violet eyes as his arm is cleansed and wrapped and golden magic flutters from Joshua’s fingertips into his body.

“Thank you, Neku,” Joshua whispers.

Neku wants to ask, tries to move his mouth, but his energy is gone, depleted. A puff of smoke floating away. Even trying to think is impossible. Ice damming up the river.

Tendrils of darkness creep in from the sides of his vision, and claim him.

 

 

Soft. Music playing against his ears, hummed notes nudging the edge of his consciousness. A hand in his hair.

Neku groans, floating on a cloud, not wanting to open his eyes and admit he’s awake. The malleable surface, the bubble hasn’t yet popped, membrane stretching as he tries to remain asleep. It’s so peaceful, here.

All he knows is swirling colors against his eyes, rainbows dancing as sparks and lighting up his dark.

“I know you’re awake, Neku,” says a voice. A familiar voice. Just beyond his reach.

It makes him _want_ to reach.

The bubble pops.

Neku blinks, looking up into Joshua’s eyes. The same violet that had captured his gaze as he drifted off to sleep.

Pain returns like an alarm bell, snapping Neku out of his sleep-hazed daze. Making him realize he’d just reached up to touch Joshua’s face.

Joshua laughs, placing his own hand against Neku’s and guiding his hand lower. “Be careful moving that arm, darling. That was quite the hit you took for me earlier.”

“Wha--” His voice cracks, the words escape him.

“After you took the hit, I froze the person in place. They’ve been taken care of, don’t worry.” Josh smiles. “That was a brave thing you did, but watching you take the hit… I would’ve frozen the knife in the air, was going to, before you stepped there.”

“It’s just what any guard would do,” he mumbles, finding his body more solid. The flush that spreads through his face _definitely_ isn’t because he notices as he tries to sit up that his armor has been removed.

“You aren’t a guard yet, you had no reason to put yourself in that path, and yet you did. Thank you for that, Neku Sakuraba.” Joshua helps him up, standing to offer at hand. “You should be mostly recovered. I removed the poison from your system and healed the wound up most of the way, but there might be some residual pain. Take it easy tomorrow.”

Neku nods, taking the hand. He stumbles, off balance. Head heavy, legs like jelly. But he stays upright. “Thank you for healing me,” he says, bowing his head.

“It was the least I could do after you saved me. That poison was designed to have me dead in three minutes by attacking my magic, not my body. They’ve gotten more clever. It doesn’t hurt mortal humans as much.”

“Still hurts like fuck,” Neku mutters. “But I’d do it again. As much as I need to, in order to keep you safe.”

Neku is too out of it as Joshua leads him away, to the barracks, to pay any mind to the way Joshua stumbles after he says that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, drop me a kudos and comment below!
> 
> [For statements about transformative works based on mine and concrit, along with where to find me, check out my profile page linked here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/profile)  
> (summary: I love everything people do based of my works and wanna know!)
> 
> [For info about my twewy discord server (including rules accessible outside the server itself) check out this link!](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/twewy-discord)


	3. Chapter 3

“My lord.”

Yoshiya looks up at one of the trainees, now approaching him with hesitation in his step. A young kid, Neku’s age no doubt, bowing his head respectfully. Neku’s head is still in his lap, and Yoshiya strokes his hair absentmindedly, letting the poor boy rest.

“No need to bow. What is it?” he asks.

The trainee straightens up. “I wanted to make sure he-- Neku-- I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

That brings a smile to Yoshiya’s face. “Neku will be fine, no need to worry. What he did was incredibly brave, and incredibly foolhardy. He’s lucky I was on the scene to take care of him.”

The boy nods. Still wary. Deference is everyone’s natural way to approach him, grating on his nerves as he watches the awe combined with respect. Traces of fear, lurking under the surface. Seeds spread from other gods’ misdeeds.

“You don’t need to be afraid, you know?” he says, casual, leaning back and resting one hand on the ground. “I won’t be offended if you drop the act. I value openness and honesty more than I value the show people put on to try and be respectful. What do you go by?”

He stiffens, muscles tensing up as he raises his head. “My name is Dai-- I go by Beat.”

Yoshiya grins. “Nice to meet you, Beat. Feel free to take a seat, if you wish to wait for him, or take your leave.”

After much indecision, Beat comes closer, and sits nearby. “Thank you, my lord.”

“Tsk, tsk,” he shakes his head. “Call me Kiryu. No need to be so formal.”

Beat nods. “Gotcha, Kiryu sir.”

That gets Josh to laugh. “Alright, that works.” He can already see Beat starting to relax, drop the walls a bit. The hesitance to use his name, the statement of _I go by Beat_ , makes Josh all the more sure that he phrased that question the right way.

+++

Beat, meanwhile, is having a bit of a Moment over here. Dealing with the unexpected, the feeling of finding a lake made out of chocolate instead of water. If Kiryu is always like _this_ , no wonder Neku is constantly floundering.

But it’s a good twist. Good to be called Beat instead of Daisukenojo. It’s only fair he pays the god the same respect, and call him by the name asked.

He glances to Neku, anxiety a bubble in his stomach as he watches him breathe deep and slow. It pops. There’s no lasting injury he can see. The blood has been cleaned up, the wound is just a small scar, no doubt going to be worn with pride.

“He’s super intense about being a guard,” Beat says. “Like, all’a us here are, but Neku is a whole ‘nother level.”

That gets Kiryu to smile. “Indeed he is. As far as I can tell, he’s always been like this. Stars lit up in his eyes when I told him about the job, when he was just a little kid visiting my shrine.”

Beat pauses. A small _ah_ resting at the edge of his lips. “He’s met you before?”

A nod. “Yeah. Tiny little thing, only about eight? He was bored, so he went adventuring, away from his parents, and stumbled upon me. Maybe it was fate. I talked to him, walked him back to the buildings, and gave his family lunch.”

He nods along, listening as Kiryu talks about the encounter. Thoughts swirl in his brain, winds picking up until they reveal the eye of the storm, a space of tranquility and calm, where the light shines through and it’s clear. Something Rhyme once said:

 _Absence makes the heart grow fonder_.

Beat knows he ain’t the smartest person here. He’s in all the remedial classes, learning to read and write, but he can see that much. The pure determination that shines in Neku’s eyes as he talks about Kiryu, the unwavering faith he has. Awe turned adoration turned _crush_.

Everyone here is determined. All the trainees have a goal they want to reach, but _Neku_ …

Neku shines brighter, burns fiercer.

A pebble plops into his stomach, sinking as the realization sets in.

“He’s gonna win, ain’t he?”

Kiryu looks at him, from where his eyes had rested on Neku’s face. A soft contemplation falls on him. “It’s entirely possible, yes. He’s… favored to become the next guard, by many, including myself. As long as he doesn’t get himself _killed_ by taking shots first,” he says, snorting.

“Those were rad reflexes, though, stopping the knife like that. And ‘sides, bein’ a guard is all about protectin’ you. He’s just doin’ the job before he gets it.”

“Yeah, he is… Still, I’d prefer him to be _alive_ to get the position.” Kiryu grins.

Beat nods along. It’s still a mystery to him how Neku managed to predict when to jump, how he knew to stop the knife, but he doesn’t know if Kiryu knows either.

Probably. He is a god, but there’s always a chance he doesn’t. Maybe it is just reflexes, maybe it is as simple as that. Awareness of surroundings and speed. But there’s always a chance it isn’t.

One more thought is lingering in his head, and it’s probably best to ask it now.

“How come he calls ya Joshua?”

“Cuz that’s one of my names,” he says. “My darling Neku here _granted_ me that name, back when he was eight. A gift I felt sink into my skin. _That’s_ how I know he’ll be important to me. Because he gave me a new name.”

Beat _stares_. Eyes locked on Neku, so calm and innocent as he sleeps, untroubled. Peaceful.

As he bows once more, and takes his leave, the winds rage on in his head. Lightning strikes with this information.

Neku had _named_ a god. Even Beat knows what a big deal that is. New names are not taken lightly, are not given lightly. For Kiryu to find one given to him… A mark of something new. That’s how it’s been described to him. Often gained in times of greatness, times of war or peace, after moments of battle and markings of a new era.

Rhyme talked to him about it all so often. They were enthusiastic, jumping at the chance to ramble to their big brother about the intricacies of names. It was important, when they both picked their new ones.

A new beginning.

* * *

 

Dear Shiki,

So I got stabbed. That was unpleasant. But! I managed to keep Joshua  from getting hit by a poisoned dagger and I’m fine because he healed me, so that’s a net win, I guess?

Training is fucking exhausting. I’ve been meaning to write for a while. There’s like, four different segments to the day, separated by breaks. First is training, focusing on different areas of skill every day, and then we have some more tactical comprehension stuff. After lunch is either gym or another class (medical stuff, and a couple electives. I’ll talk about those more some other time). And then we have more workouts.

I’m so tired. You have literally no idea how tired I am. All of my body hurts. All my muscles, including my brain, are in constant pain.

Sundays are fun though! We duel on Sundays! I’m currently the best dueler!

Some of the assholes from my prelims are still here, but about half have dropped out. The other people are nice. I have a few friends here, and the guard I was working with decided to do one-on-one training with me. Thinks it’ll be worth it. I hope it is.

Joshua shows up a lot, actually. It’s kinda surprising. He likes to watch the duels and will randomly sit in the back of a classroom sometimes. It’s worse when I don’t know if he’s here, honestly. Because he likes to hide and surprise people he thinks aren’t doing so well.

The first time I saw him, fun fact, I swung my sword at him! He took it well at least, laughed, and when I took my helmet off…

He remembers me, Shiki. He recognized me. He thinks I can win this.

I have to. I’m going to win. Nothing anyone does can stop me from doing this. And then I’ll be a guard, I’ll be by his side, and it’ll all be worth it.

How are things back at the village? Is my grandma still kicking? I swear, she’s like 120 years old, I have no idea how she’s alive still. Have you found a _girlfriend_ yet? Any cool projects going on?

Write back to me soon!

~Neku

 

Dear Neku,

WHY DID YOU GET HIT WITH A KNIFE YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT? WHAT HAPPENED? STOP GETTING IMPALED THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH TIME I’VE HEARD ABOUT.

You sound super exhausted, get some rest you fool.

I’m doing well, working on some clothes. A few dresses. One of them is for your grandma, actually, to celebrate her 120th birthday. She says she’d like to see you before you get killed by some stabbing accident for real.

No, I don’t have a girlfriend yet. Please stop mocking my poor lesbian heart. Just because _you_ have someone to eternally pine for, doesn’t mean I need to too. People still think we’re betrothed, by the way, and if I hear one more person ask me when you’re going to come back home and actually marry me, I am going to stab them with my needles. Maybe I should take the hint from your would-be killer and poison the tips.

Do you have enough clothes and stuff there? I can send you another binder if you want one. Take care of yourself, Neku! Make sure you’re being safe if you’re binding. I know I made them looser and fit specifically to you, but I can’t help but worry about you with all that activity going on. Don’t get yourself killed from heatstroke, or get a broken rib trying to impress your boyfriend.

Don’t let those bastards from your prelims get you down. After what you said they did, I hope they all get cut from the program.

Tell me all about these classes of yours, though. I’m super interested in all that cool knowledge you get to learn without me, now that we don’t get to study together.

~Shiki

* * *

 

There’s a  tension in the air today, as everyone files in from the gym and to lunch.

A tension as Neku walks to his seat by the few friends he’s made.

A tension as one of the people from his prelim group stands in front of him, blocking his way. Two more people join the first when they see what’s going on.

“Move.”

“Why should we?” asks the other boy. Neku never bothered to remember his name. “Why should we move for you? Why should we let you waltz on through, being Kiryu’s _favorite_ , when we know what you’ve done?”

And Neku is _really not_ in the mood to deal with this today. He’s never in the mood to deal with it, but after getting his ass whooped by Leonidas again, he’s tired and cranky and just. Wants. To eat.

“You have no _idea_ what happened,” he mutters, trying to walk around them. No point shoving his way through.

“Then enlighten us! Tell us why your partner on that mountain hike _died_ , and you let him!” The group is full of sneers, another person stepping in front of him. He's outnumbered four to one.

“Why’d you come back from that exercise alone? Why was he _dead_ when the trainers went to investigate? He was your biggest competition, wasn’t he? So you took him out to avoid losing!” a girl shouts.

Heads have turned, attention has been drawn to this scene. A hush falls over the rest of the room, other trainees and guards looking on. Watching.

And Neku.

Snaps.

Takes his tray and throws it at the ringleader. Takes satisfaction in the way the soup soaks into the clothes and his hair. The bruise that will form on his cheek.

“You have _no idea_ what you’re talking about! You don’t get to stand there and-- and spout lies!” he hisses, trying to keep his voice low, but it wavers. Cracks. “I was the only one who noticed how he fell! How he tripped on a stone, how he broke his leg! You all _abandoned us_ while I tried to get him to safety!”

Neku rubs at his eyes, smearing the tears away. He can’t let them see him as weak, can’t let them see him in pain, no matter how much he’s breaking. “It was a group task! We were all supposed to watch for one another, and you! Left! I used my sled and tried to carry him along, tried to get back! I sprained my ankle trying, and none of you ever thought _hey, where did Neku go?_ I was trying to tow us both back! I only survived because he forced me to go on without him! None of you ever cared about either of us, so you left us to _die_!”

He turns heel and marches out of the cafeteria. There’s no point standing there in the silence he’s left behind, no point in letting them see him fall apart, piece by broken piece.

Neku finds a cove in the hall, and takes refuge there, curling up into a ball.

Lets himself fall apart.

By the time he opens his eyes again, it’s dark. His throat is sore, his eyes hurt from crying. Everything is rough around the edges. Snot has stained his clothes. But at least he’s alone.

He thinks that, until someone’s hand touches his own.

“Go away,” he mutters, not bothering to look up. It’s probably just someone trying to provoke him again.

“Mm, that’s not very polite,” a familiar voice lilts. “Here I came all this way from the second floor of the building to make sure you were okay.”

Neku’s head snaps up as he scrambles back, pressing himself against the wall as he stares up at Joshua. “I-- You didn’t need to. I’m fine.”

“I don’t think so.” Josh says, sitting down on the edge. “Try again, because I heard everything in there.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” he hisses, air seething between his teeth. “It shouldn’t be of any concern to you, my lord.”

Joshua pouts at him, and his wide eyes make Neku crumble. “Neku, you know better than to call me that. I’ve told you, you can call me Joshua. Now tell me, explain what happened.”

One beat. Two.

He gives up trying to piece his broken wall back together.

“It was a week-long trip. Survive in the wilderness. Reach the checkpoint and head back. We were all supposed to work together, but my friend and I-- we didn’t get along the best with any of them, but we stuck together. They didn’t care about us. Until he tripped and fell, broke his leg on the way back. None of them waited for us, tried to make sure we were okay.”

His voice cracks, glass shattering as he says, “They _forgot_ us. And he died.”

An arm around his shoulders lets him lean against Joshua, burrow into his side.

“They thought you did it,” Josh mutters. “They didn’t want to accept blame for themselves, so they pinned it on you instead. What a foolish thing to do.”

Neku nods. He doesn’t want to speak anymore. Joshua’s side is comfy, and Josh seems to _understand_. He’s not punishing Neku or taking the other side. He’s letting Neku cry.

“I’m sorry for your loss, my dear. I cannot resurrect the dead, but I will inform the prelim trainers that they need to take more caution when conducting such exercises. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you,” he says. He keeps his mind from focusing on the words _my dear_ , keeps himself from fixating on why, even at such serious times, they light a fire under his skin, make him burn with _something_.

“You’re safe with me. Never doubt that I will make sure you are believed.” Joshua stands, offering Neku a hand. “I should escort you to your class now, though. And go through some paperwork.”

Neku raises an eyebrow. Class he understands, but paperwork? As he stands up, he asks, ”What for?”

“Anyone who is willing to pin the blame for another’s death on someone else, rather than accept their own fault or listen to the other side of the story, will never become one of my guards. They stand no chance in selection, so I might as well kick them out now.” Joshua grins, sly, as he pulls Neku through the hall.

“You-- You don’t have to! Most didn’t really know. I didn’t talk about it,” he looks away.

“Ah, but they should’ve asked, rather than making such assumptions. Bitterness and jealousy cloud their minds. I can see their hearts, what they want and value, and none of them would win even without this information you have given me. They will be expelled from the program, and not welcomed back.”

They reach the classroom, and before Neku can protest, Joshua is waving the teacher  to go on and letting Neku take his seat, with a lot to reflect on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, drop me a kudos and comment below!
> 
> [For statements about transformative works based on mine and concrit, along with where to find me, check out my profile page linked here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/profile)  
> (summary: I love everything people do based of my works and wanna know!)
> 
> [For info about my twewy discord server (including rules accessible outside the server itself) check out this link!](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/twewy-discord)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neku darling you're so gay.

“Neku Sakuraba,” a guard calls.

Neku’s head snaps up from the book he’d been reading. Free time in the evenings was treasured, and he often used it to read through the materials being taught in class. He’d learned to read and write as a child, but never more than what was necessary for life. Education, proper education, was reserved for those who would need it. So it came as a surprise when the guard training required classes, but Neku could roll with it.

He’d do his best to succeed, and that _would be_ enough. It had to be. Failure was not an option.

The guard beckons him forward, so he stands. “Yes, sir?” he asks, walking closer.

“Your presence is requested,” says the guard. “Follow me.”

Neku nods and keeps in step, one pace behind as the guard leads him to the stairwell. This wasn’t usual, but then again… Many trainees had been called away, one by one, never returning that night. Some showed up the next morning. Some dropped out.

No one knew what awaited them beyond the staircase. None of the people who returned would spill the secrets past their lips.

He watches as the guard draws an intricate shape on the wall. There is no door, no easy passage, but once the magic in the wall is active, the solid barricade disappears, revealing the stairs that lead up, up, into the unknown.

“He is waiting for you at the top,” the guard says, giving Neku one last nod and a shove. The wall closes behind him.

And then Neku is alone.

 _He_. Enunciated with capitals, but…

What reason would He have to be here, right now?

The thoughts in his head pound in time with his steps, up, up the stairs. The circular nature hiding the truth at the top.

The truth. A blank wall. More stairs lead up, to the roof, but this _must_ be where he’s meant to be.

So Neku thinks. Stares. There’s no way this isn’t a test. Evaluating the wall shows nothing of note, but…

He places a finger against the brick and mortar, traces the symbol he’d seen before, and _pushes_. Forces his will into the sigil, the magic. Still untrained, unused, they are never taught it, not as trainees.

The wall rumbles. Shudders. A hole in the center opens, not as big as the guard’s, but decent. Big enough for Neku to squeeze through.

Just as Joshua rounds the corner, and stares.

“Uh…” he shuffles his feet under the weight of the gaze.

“How did you do that?” he asks, hopping forward, light on his feet to inspect the damage Neku has undoubtedly caused.

“I just… Copied what I saw the guard do?” he says, looking away. Anywhere but Joshua’s eyes. The ground, his feet, the green wall to his left “The way through wasn’t open, so I thought…”

 _I messed up_ , the traitorous thought squirms in his brain. _I messed up, I’m going to fail, he’s going to be so disappointed in me._ His dreams, his hopes, crushed because of one foolish mistake.

“That’s brilliant! Amazing!!!” Joshua says, clapping his hands. “You’re a natural at magic, it seems. Most would never be able to pull such a feat off on their first try!” His smile brightens the room, and Neku glances at him only to glance away again, sunlight burning into his eyes at the sight of the god.

“I--what?” He tilts his head, eyebrows scrunched. The dread pooling in his stomach recedes, tides pulling away as the brunt of enthusiasm from Joshua hits him head-on.

“You just did something it takes people weeks to learn! Even better, you used your brain to logically deduce what you needed to do in the scenario you found yourself in, and took initiative to carry out your plan. I just happened to be a couple moments late.” Joshua slips his hand into Neku’s grasp, giving it a squeeze.

Fireflies dance in his stomach, swarming, trying to break out of his mouth as their light warms him from the inside-out. He bows his head. “Thank you, milord.”

“Oh, none of that!” Josh bops him on the nose, and an _impulse_ floods his system, forces him to straighten his back and look up. Compels him to relax, tension trickling out of his shoulders, traveling down his legs until it reaches the floor and disappears. “I’ve told you, there’s no need to be so formal.”

A smile creeps onto Neku’s face, as he rubs the back of his head. “Sorry, sir-- Joshua. It’s habit, I guess. It’s what I’m in training to act like, is it not?”

“Mm, true. But tonight it’s just you and me, so drop the formalities.”

Joshua tugs him along, even as Neku’s brain falls to static. _Wait, what_? Clashing with repetitions of the sentence said, uttered over and over again in his head.

“When you say it’s just the two of us tonight… You mean I’m staying. With you. We’re going to be _alone_?”

Joshua laughs, bells ringing through the air at his joy. “It’s tradition, dear. I assure you, you’re not getting any preferential treatment here. Near the end of the first year, all remaining trainees get called to spend some time with me. I want to know my future guards well, after all.”

“Isn’t-- Isn’t that a huge security risk?” he asks, and quells his annoyance when Joshua snorts.

“ _Neku_ , I’m a _god_.” Yoshiya grins, as they reach a door. He doesn’t open it, not yet, leaning his back against it instead, so he can face Neku. “I know people’s intentions by this point. This is kept a secret, so no person trying to stab me in the back could know ahead of time. I’m not so easily defeated that one trainee could hurt me because I chose to spend time with them alone.”

Neku nods, and goes to bow his head again, but--

Something cold slithers against his spine. Coils around his neck, and keeps him from completing the motion. It freezes his tongue to the bottom of his mouth as he tries to say _My apologies, sir_. It lasts but a moment, and the second he stops resisting the subtle command in the back of his mind telling him to not do those actions, the serpentine hold disappears.

“I--” He takes a deep, shuddering breath that fills his aching lungs. “Of course, that makes sense. Of course you don’t need to worry about anything.”

“Mhm,” Josh hums, smiling. “Though, I will say, your thought process? Stellar! You assessed the risk as you saw it, a natural instinct you just used. Very important for my guards! You just need to hone it more!”

With that, Joshua taps the doorknob twice, sparks of purple flying through it before he turns the handle and opens the door.

The room inside is huge. A vast field compared to the tiny clearing of the bunk Neku has, the space he’s staked his claim on in the bunkers. A bed the size of Neku’s entire room back at home dominates the floor, with a couch pushed up against the wall with the door. The couch itself is bigger than Neku’s own bed.

A desk, a door to what Neku can only assume is a walk-in closet or bathroom, and an ornate sliding glass door to a balcony. An orb of magic hangs in the center of the ceiling, pulsing with a bright, sunny glow.

“Welcome to my room! It’s nowhere near as fancy as the one I have inside the temple proper, but I like to stay here sometimes during my observations. And, of course, bring cute trainees like yourself up here in my spare time.” He winks, and Neku has to grip the doorframe because a god--his god--just _winked_ at him and really, he might faint.

“You, uh… Don’t you bring all the trainees who make it this far here, though?” he asks, voice like a leaf being carried on the breeze.

“Ah, true, but not all are as cute as you.”

Joshua flops into bed, a light _thud_ against the mattress and… several blankets and pillows. It looks more like a nest. How he manages to make such a motion _graceful_ , Neku doesn’t know, but his heart flutters in his chest at the image of Joshua so soft and relaxed.

Moving to the couch, Neku intends to sit. He can make himself comfy, no need to infringe on the god’s space.

But Joshua seems to have different ideas.

“Come on Neku, this bed is far more than big enough for two. Join me over here, I want to get to _know_ you.”

The smile Joshua gives him makes his mouth dry, but he moves to comply. You can’t just _disobey a god_ , after all.

So he takes his place at the edge of the bed, careful not to wrinkle anything as he sits, cross-legged. “What do you want to know?” he asks, because what else _can_ he say to that request.

“Hmm,” he taps a finger to his chin. “Tell me about your village!”

Neku hums, places a finger to his chin as he thinks for a second. “Well, the village I live in is pretty small compared to the ones closer to the shrine, but it’s not too small. I have some friends. Or, one friend.”

“What’re they like?”

“Shiki is good, she’s great!” he smiles, letting his shoulders relax. “She wants to be a seamstress, and I think she does the best needlework I’ve ever seen.”

“Better than mine, here?” Josh asks, holding out a sleeve for Neku to inspect.

It’s not _bad_ handiwork, it’s quite good. But after years of being around Shiki, he’s picked up on some things. “There’s a tail there, and oh, that stitch is a bit loose. Could just be from wear and tear, but overall it’s really good work!”

“But Shiki can do better?” Joshua raises an eyebrow.

“I-- I’m not saying she’s better than whoever you have as a seamstress now! I don’t mean to offend or anything, I’m sure you hired the best person you could find!” Neku waves his hands in the air.

Josh just laughs, though, strong and from his stomach, as Neku flounders for his words. “Don’t worry! I’m not questioning your loyalty, or looking for offense. I’m just curious. It sounds like she’s taught you well, all about needlework.”

Neku nods, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, she uh… She did. We hung out so much that people thought we were engaged. With the ring I wore and all. But we’re just super close friends, that’s all!” He flops backward, staring at the ceiling. He can’t even pray for some god to smite him because his god is sitting right _there_ , and would probably strongly object.

“Sounds like a good friend indeed. Did she teach you how to use the needle, or just the information?”

Neku laughs. “She certainly _tried_ , but I’m hopeless with a needle and thread. I think I bled more from that than I did through all of my prelims.”

“Surely you're skilled at something besides fighting, though, too. Everyone has a hobby.”

“I--” he frowns, and is tempted to pull a blanket or pillow over his head,  but wouldn’t that be _rude_? He can’t just do that in front of Joshua--

Neku pulls the closest pillow over his head, burrowing into it. Screw formality.

“It can’t be anything bad, can it?” Joshua’s voice lilts from beyond the fabric grave. “I won’t judge.”

A hand encroaches on his view as the pillow is lifted away, and Neku is face to face with Joshua. _Too close!_

He barely manages to contain the _eep!_ leaping in this throat, and he _does_ scoot back, hitting the wall.

Violet eyes meet his, and this is a contest of wills. There’s a _force_ , a push and pull, a tug between them.

Neku caves first. Looking away, and muttering, “I do… I do art sometimes, I guess. I’m not all that good, though, and it’s probably not going to be useful as a guard.”

A finger lifts his chin up, as Joshua leans closer, the other hand planted on the bed by Neku’s side. “That’s nonsense. I’m sure you’ve got some skill. And as for usefulness, well, everyone needs other things to do. You can’t be a guard every moment of your life, you need things to ease your mind. Art is a wonderful outlet, a wonderful way to express yourself in your downtime.”

Words get caught in the tangled mess of Neku’s throat. He has things he could say to that, replies mustered in his head, but Joshua is _touching him_. Eyes shining so bright, so beautiful. Not a blemish on his skin. So close Neku can feel his warm breath brush against him.

Stone. He’s a stone statue under the weight of Joshua’s stare. Marble carved and he can only hope the god finds him suitable, finds no chip or flaw to urge him to toss Neku into the discard pile. _Brittle_.

“Thank you, sir,” he says, forcing the words out of his mouth, pushing past the clog in his throat formed from being under such intense inspection.

“I’d love to see your creations sometime. You’ll have to share. For now though,” Joshua says, plopping onto his back, “I think it’s time you rest.” He’s still watching Neku, head turned to the side, a smile on his face.

“I-- Of course, Joshua. I’ll show you when I’m able. But you’re right, I am pretty tired.”

Neku lays down, careful to keep to his side of the bed as he slides under the blankets. He doesn’t want to infringe on any of Joshua’s space, even if he’s lying in the middle. The bed is big enough.

He’s never been a big cuddler in his sleep, anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about.

* * *

 

Warmth permeates the space as Neku finds himself drifting awake.

He can’t find it in himself to tense up, to be afraid. The bunk he sleeps in is always cold. Blankets and pillows only provide so much warmth in the middle of winter. Even other bodies in the room can only do so much.

But he’s _warm_. Not the hot, oppressive heat of summer, but warmth like a fire in the hearth at home, hot cocoa in hand as he buries himself deeper under the blankets. A cat in his lap, purring away.

He could stay like this. Curled up, under blankets, never opening his eyes forever. Peace washes over him, a gentle thrum in music buzzing against his chest.

He can’t even find it within himself to tense up when someone _else_ sighs. But it does prompt him to open his eyes.

Joshua.

An arm is wrapped around him. Joshua’s arm.

His head is _not_ resting on a pillow. He’s resting on a chest.

 _Joshua’s chest_.

Joshua. Who is still fast asleep. Is snuggling with him. Despite all the space in the bed.

Neku quells the panic rising, stills his thudding heart, because one wrong move could ruin everything, tear it all apart.

Let sleeping dragons lie, after all. Do not poke a god and rise him before his time.

It takes great effort to restrain himself from rushing to dash out of the room, to keep calm. Neku takes a few breaths, and _carefully_ maneuvers his way out of the arm.

Once free, he scoots to the edge of the bed, sitting upright and looking at the mess left in his stead.

Sunlight shines, illuminating Joshua’s sleek white hair, a golden glow reflecting back as he takes shallow breaths. Face resting, a soft smile gracing his lips, curled up in his sleep. One arm clutched to his chest in the empty space Neku left.

The light _shimmers_.

Glistens.

Wavers in the air.

Wings appear.

 Neku falls off the bed as his heart leaps in his chest, as the intestines twist themselves up and around and knot together in fanciful ways.

 _Wings_.

Soft, feathered and fluffed like clouds. White with tints of purple glittering at the tips. Pinks and blues and a _rainbow_ shining in the air as the sun hits. Long, even furled up against his back, Neku can tell how they must each be twice his size, stretched out. Joshua, flying through the sky, blue hues playing against his skin as he glides with wings. The image finds itself stuck in Neku’s brain, as he stares. Stares.

It steals his breath away.

Somehow, in some way, Joshua sleeps through Neku’s collapse. Sleeps through Neku climbing back into the bed. Steady beat still playing in the air, notes hanging and Neku _hears_.

The Music. The Magic. Staves find their way around his heart, write their song on the muscle, drum against his head, dance in his lungs. The magic engraved in everyone’s skin, in the fabric of _life_.

And as he looks at Josh, serenity within his grasp, if only he _reaches out, takes it_ , wraps his fingers around the perfect image of humanity folded into a godly space--

A melody of _love_ plays.

Bells ringing in his ears tell him it’s always been _obvious_. Pining to be at Joshua’s side. Love etched into his human skin the moment Joshua laid eyes on him.

But he’s a _fool_. Leonidas? Shiki? Both of them called him on it and drove the stake of denial deeper into the hidden chambers of his heart.

 _I love him_.

He _loves_ him.

Has fallen in love with a god. His god.

 _Oh_.

What wakes Joshua is not the internal sounds of Neku’s panic, or the stilling of his breath. It’s not even the loud bang against the wall from outside. No.

It’s when Neku leans forward, impulse driving his sleep-hazed mind, as he reaches out, and brushes his hand against the wing nearest him. Feathers _soft_ , the softest he’s felt, as notes jangle their way through his head.

Only for a second though, because the next breath is caught in his throat as Joshua springs upright, crouched on his hands and knees, one arm raised in the air and magic starting to coalesce around it. Eyes wide open, scanning the room for threats.

Scrambling away leads to Neku falling off the bed. Again. And as he braces for impact against the soft rug below a warm glow surrounds him, and lifts him back up. To see Joshua slumping back, instantly more relaxed.

His throat is parched, dried and left out in the sun, scrubbed with sand.

Luckily, Joshua speaks first. “You-- You shouldn’t have been able to see my wings. To _touch_ them. How--?”

“Sorry,” Neku says, word tumbling out of his mouth. “Sorry. I uh. I don’t _know_? Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, though.”

Joshua steadies himself, rubbing a hand down his face. Even in the morning, hair tousled by sleep and clothes ruffled from the bed, he’s _breathtaking_. Perfect with every curl of hair and every wrinkle in his clothes.

“Ok. I’m gonna. Talk through this.” Josh says. “I keep my wings hidden away mostly out of convenience, but also because they’re a _weak point_. They hold my Soul, my power. Only people who’ve used magic can even see… Them…” His eyes widen, and he lunges forward, grasping Neku’s arm.

Even if he wanted to flinch back, Joshua’s grasp stilled him. “Um.” He bites his tongue. He’s so _inelegant_ in the mornings, and the thought pounding through his brain is taking up the little processing he has.

Joshua is touching him again.

“Neku,” he says, a whisper on the wind. “Neku, yesterday. You used magic to open the gateway to this floor. My guards don’t get taught how to use magic until after they’ve been _picked_ , so I’m used to only formal guards knowing. But _you_. You already did.”

The wings are shifting, shimmering. Feathers turn to glass, stained and dyed in pink. Shards, thick and strong, unlikely to break from a shallow drop.

“I-- Yeah. I did,” he breathes out, captivated by the lights bouncing all around.

Joshua gets the clue, and chuckles.

Before Neku has a chance to protest, the wings fade from view, and it’s only by some miracle that he manages to hold back his hand, refuse the urge to reach out and grasp at the air where they had been.

“ _Incredible_ ,” Josh says. “You’re something very special indeed.”

“Th-thank you, sir--Joshua,” he says, ducking his head to hide his blush. He doesn’t know how much more of this he can take, though. His heart is pounding in his chest, two seconds from explosion. “I--I should probably get back to training, though. I don’t want to fall behind.”

Joshua nods, leaning back and letting go of Neku. “Of course, of course. Go on, if you can’t find your way out of here yourself, someone will escort you.”

With that, Neku makes a hasty retreat, giving a quick, “Goodbye,” to Joshua before he’s out the door and down the hall.

* * *

 

Dear Shiki,

Please help me.

Apparently, Joshua spends a night with each trainee to learn more about them and it was my turn and I shared a bed with him and when I woke up, _I wanted to kiss him. We were cuddling_.

Please help me. He said he can see people’s hearts and my heart is _gay_ and I don’t know what to do.

~Neku

 

Dear Neku,

You absolute gay disaster. I’ve been telling you this for _years_ and you only now realize it?

Good luck wooing your godly love, you’re gonna need it. Your grandma owes me money now. She bet you wouldn’t realize until you were actually a guard.

I hope training is going well for you, besides your total crisis of the heart! Any pretty ladies there you could send my way, once they lose to you?

~Shiki

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, drop me a kudos and comment below!
> 
> [For statements about transformative works based on mine and concrit, along with where to find me, check out my profile page linked here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/profile)  
> (summary: I love everything people do based of my works and wanna know!)
> 
> [For info about my twewy discord server (including rules accessible outside the server itself) check out this link!](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/twewy-discord)

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously s/o to Yoz though for being a good friend and I hope u like this gift
> 
> [For statements about transformative works based on mine and concrit, check out my profile page linked here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/profile)  
> (summary: I love it all)
> 
> [For info about my twewy discord server (including rules accessible outside the server itself) check out this link!](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/twewy-discord)
> 
> Leave me a comment below if you liked it! I love hearing yall's thoughts


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